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March 15, 2022
Being honest includes telling each other exactly where you stand financially–income, debt, savings, etc., without fear of judgment. This will allow you both to make decisions based on the most accurate information available instead of assumptions or guesses.
The first and perhaps most important step to talking about money is to get on the same page financially. The next step would be to create some kind of financial system or plan that works for both parties. Some ideas might be:
– Be open and honest about the situation both of you are in financially. Don’t try and cover anything up! Your partner should be able to trust you with their thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
– Think about this from your partners perspective? Are they worried or stressed because of your spending habits? Help them better understand where you are coming from so they can contribute to the problem without being worried about it.
– Don’t fight! Communication is key when figuring out any sort of issue in a relationship. Try to have an open mind and see things from your partners perspective
– If you are worried that they will get mad or frustrated, be honest but sensitive. Remember to talk in “I” statements instead of “You” statements (i.e.”I would like for us to set up a plan on how we should work together financially because I am finding it difficult to make decisions without knowing where your money is going”).
– Would you rather know now or find out later? Sometimes it may feel better not knowing, but eventually you will come across information if you do end up living together/marrying etc…
– If you feel like your partner is hiding money from you, don’t get mad! Talk to them and figure out what it is about. It can be hard when we feel uncomfortable with a situation so the best thing to do would probably to go over the numbers together.
– Communicate and listen, both of you need each other equally in this situation. Don’t take one persons word for it and completely dismiss what they have to say because it doesn’t fit into your idea or plan. You may not think that having “the talk” will solve all money problems in a relationship, but at least it’s a step towards getting on the same page financially!
If possible try to agree on a mutual number or compromise so that no one person feels like they are giving up too much. If this becomes impossible, then compromises might need to be made by the higher earner.
One way couples maintain financial harmony is if one partner makes significantly more than the other, then that partner might allow their spouse to contribute money into savings for big purchases such as vacations, cars etc.
It may also be beneficial for each party in the relationship to have some personal money to use for themselves. This way everyone in the relationship feels like they are being treated fairly and have their own autonomy .
While some couples may feel that they are too different financially to ever get on the same page, it’s worth noting that there is no perfect way to manage money and every couple should find what works best for their relationship.
Remember: how you handle your finances with your partner does not define your relationship; work together to set goals, prioritize spending and pay down debt if necessary. Remember also that reducing charge cards in particular can make a big difference in reducing financial stress . We all face many choices throughout our lives between short-term gratification versus long-term gains; having the power of understanding these choices goes a long way in helping reduce stress levels which ultimately helps increase happiness .
The next step would be to create some kind of financial system or plan that works for both parties.
We all face many choices throughout our lives between short-term gratification versus long-term gains; having the power of understanding these choices goes a long way in helping reduce stress levels which ultimately helps increase happiness.
Talking about money can be difficult because discussing personal finances involves real emotions. Questions around who makes how much, what are spending habits, or where money comes from are all sensitive topics that may have been avoided in the past. It’s important to remember that no one has a perfect financial story and there is no “perfect” way to manage money.
If feelings of guilt or shame come up, don’t be afraid to speak up! These strong emotions are often at the center of why talking about money can be so hard for couples. To ease these types of conversations it’s important to approach them with empathy for your partner, understanding their perspective even if you don’t agree with it. Remember they are not living in your shoes so they may not understand your financial situation like you understand it.
Talking about money can be difficult because discussing personal finances involves real emotions; questions around who makes how much, what are spending habits or where money comes from are all sensitive topics that may have been avoided in the past. It’s important to remember no one has a perfect financial story and there is no “perfect” way to manage money.
If feelings of guilt or shame come up, don’t be afraid to speak up! These strong emotions are often at the center of why talking about money can be so hard for couples; to ease these types of conversations it’s important to approach them with empathy for your partner, understanding their perspective even if you don’t agree with it. Remember they are not living in your shoes so they may not understand your financial situation like you understand it.
It’s important to acknowledge what you’re feeling emotionally when discussing something as sensitive as money.
Acknowledging the emotions that come up, without judgement for yourself or your partner, is a key first step in being able to have an open conversation.
The next step is understanding where these feelings are coming from and then working together on how you both feel comfortable approaching finances moving forward. Remembering that everyone has different backgrounds, life experiences and triggers around money will help you practice empathy towards one another.
Remembering that everyone has different backgrounds, life experiences and triggers around money will help you practice empathy towards one another.
It’s important to remember that no one has a perfect financial story and there is no “perfect” way to manage money.
Things to speak to your partner about:
If getting married is on your horizon, it’s important to talk about how much you each want or can spend. Be open and honest with one another so expectations are realistic.
Think outside of the box! Speaking to your partner about other ways you can save for your future together (whether that be a down payment or retirement) will help them see your perspective.
Talking through all the options and feeling like you can be honest with each other will help ease the stress of planning such an important event together.
Money conversations are especially important once you have a family to support. Even if you don’t know how much it will cost, having an idea of what the financial picture might look like is helpful for both parties.
It’s important to find your partner on the same page with you when having this conversation about money.
For some couples, this discussion comes up once the baby is on the way or even after they arrive, so having an open dialogue can be helpful when adding a new member to your family.
Having children also means life changes that are important to discuss with your partner – do you want to continue working full time? What are some of your child care options? How much can you realistically afford?
If you are moving in together or buying a house, this is an opportunity to have a conversation about your personal finances.
Spending habits can create conflict in relationships so it’s important to be open and honest with one another regarding money management.
It may feel uncomfortable talking about how much each of you makes or spending habits, but being realistic – not defensive – will help ease the tension that typically comes up when someone learns their partner has different habits when it comes to managing money.
Planning for retirement planning early will reduce the stress of saving during your working years and potentially even increase savings as well.
Having these conversations now can also protect both parties down the road as well as forge a stronger future together by having mutual goals and understanding that you’re in this together.
It’s helpful to set goals for your future as a couple and plan how you can achieve those goals. Reading over personal finances together and comparing what the reality is now against where you hope to be can help both parties feel like they are on track or make changes if needed.
It’s common for couples to have varying degrees of debt. If one person has more debt than the other, it’s important to acknowledge the role that person will play in paying down this debt. This is an intimate conversation about expectations and understanding each others’ feelings around this topic.
Talking about how debt is handled within your family can also be important, especially if one person’s parents are gifting them money for a down payment on their home or to help with wedding costs. Even though these may feel like generous gifts, it’s still OK to speak up and ask questions about the gift.
What are some goals you have together? Buying a house? Saving for retirement? Traveling more? What does success look like for you as a couple financially? Naming specific goals will help both of you stay focused on what matters most to you both.
What makes an ideal savings rate daunting or unrealistic for you now may not seem that way the future once other life changes take place.
Having this conversation can help both parties map out a plan that’s more doable for them, moving forward. Another way to have this conversation is to think about what you both feel comfortable with right now and work on steps towards creating your goal.
Even if you aren’t ready to meet with a financial planner together, speaking about who might make a good financial planner or working on online tools together will help both of you understand each other’s money personality better.
This type of conversation can also open up dialogue about why one person wants to grow their wealth aggressively while the other prefers more passive savings activities where possible.
Being mindful of these different personalities will allow you to recognize when a financial professional may not be a good fit for you moving forward.
You can have these conversations – it just takes being open and honest with one another. When the conversation feels painful or difficult to have, remember that having an open dialogue is better than avoiding it altogether.
The best way to approach these conversations is not with blame or judgement, but with respect and understanding.
For example, if one partner is focused on paying down debt, the other partner may not understand why they’re willing to give up a vacation home in order to focus on becoming debt free. This type of conversation can quickly become an argument that ends with resentment.
Instead, look at the big picture and explore why this person feels the need to become debt free while still having a positive outlook on life in general. You can also look at other tools (like an app) to help you track your progress together towards reaching your goals. The more understanding both partners are around each other’s money personalities, the better prepared they are for achieving future financial goals.
Joint purchases – whether you’re married or just moving in together – can be wonderful because it feels like both of your ideas are being heard.
However, this is also one of the trickiest parts to navigate as a couple since it’s easy for each of you to feel like the other person isn’t listening to his or her needs.
It’s important to remember that no matter how much you plan upfront, there will still be differences once purchase time comes around.
Instead, focus on finding common ground and compromise when making large purchases together. Having an open dialogue about what each partner would like is key (and keeping track of these things with an app), but don’t forget that saying “no” is OK too!
If one partner isn’t interested in purchasing something, that’s an opportunity for both of you to learn more about each other’s spending habits and how to accommodate them.
After all, your partner can’t always get everything he or she wants … but hopefully you can!
like a costly medical treatment or job loss make it tough to think about anything else.
Being able to help with unexpected expenses is one of the most generous things you can do for your family, and it’s also something that many people worry about when saving for their own future. It makes sense: in order to help in an emergency, you need money saved up first!
The best way to prepare yourself (and your partner) is by having conversations about what would happen if this were to occur. You can also both come up with solutions together on how you could save towards reaching that goal faster.
It may feel like an unlikely event at the time, but discussing this ahead of time will allow partners to be proactive instead of reactive in these situations.
You can also look for free financial tools online that are designed to help people save towards an emergency fund goal over time. These are great because you don’t have to set money aside every time you receive a paycheck – just make sure you keep track of your progress so there aren’t any surprises down the line!
Is another topic that people tend to avoid discussing, even though it’s something that both partners should consider. Not only can life insurance protect your family financially, but it can also help you feel more secure knowing that someone will be there to help pick up the pieces if tragedy strikes.
So how do you bring this up with your partner? It’s important to choose a time when both of you are calm and not feeling rushed or stressed – it could even be after a nice dinner or walk around the neighborhood.
And remember, don’t make your partner feel like they’re being ‘pitched’ by their insurance agent! Instead, share why YOU think life insurance is important and what YOU hope to gain from it. The more you learn about each other’s wants and needs, the closer you can become as a couple in all of money.
Talking about money doesn’t have to be scary.
Taking the time to learn about your partner’s money habits, what’s important to them and how they feel most comfortable managing their finances can help create mutual understanding of one another.
There are so many ways people manage their personal finances today which is part of the challenge for couples – there is no “right” way to manage money.
But being open and honest with one another is a great way to ease the tension that comes up when you have different habits around money management.
Planning for your future, whether it be a wedding, children or retirement can help ease stress now as well as create clarity about what you want from life together.
These conversations are never easy, but they become easier the more open and honest you are with one another. Remember that these talks shouldn’t be used as opportunities to blame or judge each other – focus on finding common ground instead. And remember, no amount of planning ahead will eliminate all future disagreements about money … but it’s worth a shot!
As you can see, money can be a very sensitive and delicate subject for most couples to talk about since it’s only natural for both parties to have concerns when it comes to their own financial well-being. What matters even more is how you communicate these concerns in the proper way so that your partner doesn’t misunderstand what you’re trying to say or tell you something completely different each time they have the chance .
So try your best by taking an open-minded approach in approaching any issue together with compassion and understanding. Only then will both of you be able to walk away from this conversation feeling much better than before!
Need help speaking about money with a partner? Try involving a financial planner in money conversations.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have financial planners as parents, but that’s what Money Her Way is here for. We want to give every woman, no matter their age, the opportunity to take control of her finances.
